Wounded Wives Win was born out my pain and journey of a violated marriage.
After sitting comfortable in my marriage for 19 years and think it was safe from divorce or separation, on the 26th November 2010, the rug was pulled from under my feet. Can I survive...I don’t think so…this is not suppose to happen to me….a devoted Christian who trusted God to keep me from all dangers, harm and shame. Little did I know that this would take me on a journey that many others were facing from day to day and I was oblivious to its devastating effect.
After deep soul searching, picking up myself off the floor of low self-esteem, anger, and feeling humiliated, the blame game, fasting, repentance, forgiveness, I have to say I would not swap this episode in my life for nothing. It has made me stronger, it has made me closer to God, it has taught me how to hear God and listen to Him. This journey has defined me, anointed me and appointed me to be a voice for the silent children in marriage who 99% of the time are the ultimate casualty of the broken home. It made me stop pointing the finger outward to my husband or upward to God but inward, taking responsibility of the part I played in ignorance whilst ignoring the signs God was showing me. After all He does nothing without revealing it to the Prophet first.
God took me through the Marriage lessons of the Bible from creation to His return and it still remains the same answer….He hates divorce.
So I could sulk and crawl up and die or I could let God tell me the plans He has for my marriage and fight for it. Emotionally draining, highs, lows, desperations, days of great faith, days of little or no faith especially when you are now fighting to keep the roof over your head too. Days when you watch your spouse with The Other Woman and you fight with God telling Him “This is clear adultery,..I now have full right to divorce this man and take him for all he’s got” and God only answer is “Hosea Hosea Hosea” and then He goes one step further and says “You need to pray for the Other Woman” and I am saying God truly of what material you have made me out of to ask such requirement of me and again you only hear in response Job 42:10! And then He says try to see where or how the other party see things…..in other words….from their perspective and recognise that in hurt…people hurt others as the enemy takes hold of them and let them behave the way they do and believe it is perfectly okay to be the person who separates a husband and wife despite the Lord saying….”whom He has put together, let no man separate”. As you then allow God to be your counsellor, your heart begins to soften and you begin to see things from Jesus walking the earth perspective………………no one is beyond or above sin….for we all sin and come short of His glory. God loves everyone! Wow God…even the one that came in to my marriage and is part of this huge pain? Yes my child, I did not come to condemn, I came to give life in abundance and if a sinner repents, I am just to forgive. God how can I forgive sooooo many times, my heart pains, let me sit in the comfort of my pain, the victim, the only one that this has happened to. No my child, I will walk this road with you, through forgiveness giving you the freedom to heal and trust me for restoration. But its too painful Lord! That’s natural He says there has be a tear of a heart that became one through marriage and the covenant and vow taken and I am afraid my daughter in a tear, you get jagged edges that can only be repaired by me The Creator.
I will journey through with you He says. There were days when I literally would imagine myself jump up in His arms and ask Him to carry me. There were days when He walked right by my side. There were days when He would just give me instructions and stand aside to watch how I would execute His instructions and when I didn’t execute it well as the flesh overrode my emotions, He would say it is okay. Days when I couldn’t leave the bed but yet dreaded the night as the lover of my life is in someone else’s bed and my imagination would run wild with me and then I would ask God to snuggle up with me. Oh the amount of hats I would fit on Him daily depending on my needs for that moment. A Pastor…yes A Pastor….the church is not equipped to deal with marriage separation…its taboo, A Counsellor, A Barrister in Court, My Father, My Husband, My Father, My Ultimate Comforter, My Creator who created me and knows me best. He told me I would never see Divorce from the word go. I SIT STILL WHILE I STAND guiding Wounded Wives to become Winners through Christ and trust God to bring you out to a happy end, finding your purpose of this episode in your life and help bring others through.
By the way watchout for the autobiography Sit Still While I Stand!